Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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