Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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