i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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