My sheets look like a crime scene.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
