she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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