I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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