I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
