you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
