Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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