im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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