between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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