My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
