Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
