Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
