I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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