2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
look no pants
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
When are your genitals available?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
