why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
