Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
