dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
where are my pants?
in the oven.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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