THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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