please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
