wat bout pragnant strippers??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
