I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
