I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize