You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
