mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
