I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
