im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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