Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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