i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
