Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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