dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
