??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize