I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
