I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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