i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
