i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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