Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
