If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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