i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?