i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?