I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it