return my video game
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful