im having a threesome with these popsicles
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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