hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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