a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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