I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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