You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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