We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
