My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
