You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Fuck appropriateness.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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