go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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