I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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