I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
