a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
