Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
